Dear Life, Please let me off the emotional roller coaster NOW! Thanks!

What a day...Emotions are still going wild, but everybody tells me this is normal.

Today started with a LONG day of lecture. It was such a beautiful day to be sitting in a classroom all day, but you do what you have to do to get through this. Only 5 more weeks of lecture left...this just doesn't seem possible. I am so excited that I am ALMOST finished with Nursing School, but I am also terrified, nervous & sad that this chapter of my life is coming to an end. I'm sure there will be more mixed feeling in the future that will make it to this blog.

After class we had graduation fair...more emotions...We got our caps & gowns today. It just seems unreal that this is almost over...but so exciting at the same time.

After graduation fair Sherri, Jessica & I went to my favorite "comfort" food restaurant...Family Style. We shared some much needed laughs & conversation.

And then the "joys" of nursing school really hit home when I got home. My cable, internet & phone had been shut off today because I "forgot" to pay the bill...Imagine that. That's what happens when you have too much on your plate. Luckily this is the night the kids stay with Nanny & Pa or they would have been VERY upset that there was NO TV. So with homework due at 8:00 & no internet connection to submit it...I loaded everything up & came to my mom's. Thank goodness for mom!

I go for my 1st nursing interview on Thursday. I am terrified, nervous, excited & hopeful. All the emotions have got to slow down...just a little. Please say an extra prayer for me!

LAST day of Girl Scout CoOkIeS & FIRST day of spring :)

Today was the LAST day of Girl Scout Cookie Sales...WOO HOO. We sat up at Walmart and sold over 100 boxes. We still have about 100 boxes left to sale, so if you still need cookies you can contact me. Here are a few pictures from the booth sale.

Morgan was dancing as usual.

Morgan

I don't think I have ever blogged on my "favorite" Girl Scout cookies. These are my favorite...Dulce de Leche. The 1st year they came out they were amazing. They were a full size cookie with carmel drizzled over them, but apparently when they got hot they were melting together. So the 2nd year they came out with mini ones & they don't have the carmel drizzle. They are still my favorite though.

The beautiful clouds on the 1st day of Spring

After selling cookies for 4 hours we headed to the park to play. After playing we went to McDonald's & they played on the playground after they ate their supper.

After we got home Spencer decided he was ready for his head to be shaved for the season. He has been wanting it shaved for several weeks, but I knew we would have more chilly days. He would wear his head shaved all year if I would let him. Here is a picture.

Hopefully in the next few weeks we can get some family pictures taken. The weather is perfect right now...if I could just find time to do them.

Finally...a smile is back on my face :)

It has been a wonderful, exciting day. There were lots of happy moments today.

After spending all day yesterday & most of last night "trying" to write my "Thank You's" for the pinning ceremony with NO success...I decided I would sleep on it & do it this morning. While getting ready to head to BG for Sinman, pictures & thank you's I had 1,000+ thoughts going through my head. I did a lot of soul searching yesterday & this morning trying to find the "right" words. I don't want anyone to feel left out during the pinning ceremony because everything everybody has done for me or the kids during this journey has helped me more than you will ever know. So I kept soul searching on the drive to BG & when I got there I starting writing. Everything just seemed to flow & came out of my brain just the way I had imagined. When I re-read what I had wrote I was in tears...imagine that :) So now it was time to begin this exciting day.

We had simulation with Sinman first things. Just to give you an idea there were 5 nursing students left in the room with a computerized manikin. The man coded on us & we lost him...but it wasn't just our manikin...everyone's died.

Then we went & took our nursing pictures. I have waited for this day for a LONG time. It was a once in a lifetime experience!

Then it was time to tape my "thank you's". When I went into the room to tape them they said they had to be less than 1 minute & there was NO way I would be able to get all that in. I explained I had put a lot of time & thinking into writing this & I would talk very fast to get it in because I couldn't change any of it. I won't reveal my actual words till graduation day, but I will go ahead & type them up & schedule them to post on May 14. I want all my family & friends to hear them for the 1st time at pinning ceremony. :)

After all the excitement at school I headed to O'Charley's to meet my cousin for lunch. It was nice to sit and have a meal & socialize without worring about school for a little while.

It was a beautiful day so after I got home I headed to the park for a little while to enjoy the sunshine.

The kids staying with Nanny & Pa tonight, but Morgan missed her mommy. I ended up going to get her. So it has been a girl's night at the house. She was excited to spend some time alone with mommy & play on the computer.

Guess that sums up my day. Just glad to have my smile back :)

Emotional Basket Case

I don't know what is going on in my brain...but I wish it would STOP! I have NEVER been this emotional in my life. I have so many emotions...excited, nervous, proud, terrified. This has been my life for so many years & now it is all coming to an end. I know I should be very exicted & proud and I am, but I am also terrified & nervous.

Tomorrow we have to tape our "Thank you's" to be played at graduation. I have tried ALL day to write them, but everytime I do tears start rolling. There are so many people I want to thank who have pushed me & encouraged my through this journey in my life. I want them to know how thankful I am for them...I COULDN'T HAVE DONE IT WITHOUT THEM! It just makes it that much harder to make sure I get all the words just right.

Here is a picture of the "UGLY" nursing hat

I have been trying to keep busy today so maybe I wouldn't be so emotional. I have been working on laundry all day. I almost have my NCLEX prep plan finished...only 4 more test! WOO HOO!

The kids are at their daddy's...they stayed there last night too because he will be out of town this weekend so they are spending some time with him this week. It is nice to have a break during the week...but I miss them like CRAZY...maybe that is part of the reason I have been so emotional. Who knows what the cause...just hope it subsides SOON!!!!

Even on my weakest day...I get a little bit stronger

Where do I even begin to start??? I feel like I am about to have a mental breakdown. It seems like I have been hit by a ton of bricks. I have been waiting for this to happen...but it doesn't make dealing with it any easier.

I guess I will start 1st with school. We had our 2nd test today & I PASSED...YAY! Rather than that...everything else seems to be a big whirlwind. We had practicum orientation today & I am getting excited about it...but it is going to be another thing for me to juggle emotional, physical & financially. I knew this semester there was going to be a lot of things that had to be done for graduation, nursing licensure, NCLEX...etc...but I don't think I really realize how much money all this was going to cost. I mean I am already $50,000 in debt just with my tuition and books. It seems like everytime I turn around there is something else to be done. I got my nursing hat today...and my gosh they are the "ugliest" things I have ever saw! We have nursing pictures on Thursday...which cost $45.00 & we only get 2 wallets & a class photo...crazy. Then our nursing license application is $110 & our NCLEX is $200. We also have to do a fingerprint background check...who knows what this cost. I guess I am just a little overwhelmed...I am going to school for my future...to start a new live for my children & me...which will start with A WHOLE LOT OF DEBT!!!!

Today the MCBG graduate nursing recruiter came to school to talk to us about jobs. Really I was not ready to start thinking about jobs until I make it through this semester, but yesterday was the deadline for application process, so I got all my stuff in yesterday. They are going to start interviewing next week. April 15th they will let us know who got jobs and who didn't. I am excited about MCBG. They have a program they put new graduates through. It is a 3 week classroom setting where we will learn about the facility and procedures. Then they will try to place us in an area we are interested in & we will follow a preceptor for 6-8 weeks. I like this idea because I have always wanted to do OB or pediatrics & with this facility I may be able to start in one of these areas. I am hoping this will be my ticket out of this town.

This town will never be my "home". My home is in BG & one day I plan to go back "home". I am not a small town person. There is TOO much drama & everyone know...or thinking they know everything about your life. I know there are people like this in every town but this town is overflowing with drama. People never seem to amaze me in this town....disappointment, lies, drama, bullsh*t....I am SO OVER ALL OF IT!

I have done a lot of soul searching the last several weeks. I know I am not the person I was 1 year ago...and I am SO THANKFUL for this...but I still have a lot of growing to do. I am 30 years old & this is so NOT what I thought my life would be like. I am a single mother of 2 amazing kids...but sometimes I wish I had someone to spend my life with. I know when the timing is right everything will fall into place. Sometimes this is REALLY hard for me to understand. Going through nursing school, raising 2 kids & stressing about everything...sometimes I just wish I had someone here to have adult conversations with or to just hold me & tell me everything will be OK. I do have an AMAZING family support system behind me...& they would do ANYTHING in their power to make sure I succeed...but its just not the same as having someone to share this with.

I know all this will make me a stronger person in the long run. I also know God will not give me anymore than I can handle...but sometimes I wish he didn't think I was so strong.

I think I have vented enough for the night :)

A little overwhelmed

Feeling a little overwhelmed at the moment...so much going on.

I FINALLY got my practicum assignment....I am at MCBG in ICU. I am VERY excited about this. I am hoping this will be a GREAT learning experience. This will be my 1st time in this facility and that makes me a little nervous. I am hoping I will learn a lot through this experience.

I submitted my 1st application for a nursing graduate job. I wasn't really sure about putting applications in before I graduated because I didn't want to "count my chickens before they hatched" But I didn't want to miss out on the opportunity so I submitted all my paperwork. We will see what happens.

Today we spend the day studying for our 2nd test tomorrow. I hope all the studying pays off!

Thursday we take our nursing pictures and tape our "Thank you's" to be played at graduation. I still haven't written mine...I know I will be an emotional basketcase when I start. There are so many people I have to thank who have pushed me when I didn't think I could go any further.

I still have to apply for my nursing license & NCLEX exam, but I am going to wait till closer to graduation before I do.

Everything seems to be happening so FAST...2 months from today is graduation & pinning ceremony.

Bittersweet moments

Time change.

I LOVE daylights saving time...once my body gets used to it. I was NOT ready to get up early to study this morning though. I spent the morning studying so I could spend the afternoon with the kids.

I was a beautiful day & we decided to go to the park. We ended up spending 4 hours there (I didn't have my camera...so there are no pictures to share...sorry). They had a BLAST though. I am looking forward to warmer weather & more trips to the park. I took my study guide with me and planned on working on it while I was there, but I didn't accomplish much. It was to pretty! After 4 hours at the park we decided to go to McDonalds for supper. They got to play outside there after they finished eating.

Overall it was a pretty good day.

Quote for the day: "Every step you take, is a step away from where you used to be."

5 years already?

‎5 years ago today is the day that you left and went to heaven above, I know your looking down on us, protecting us with your love. We love and miss you very much Eric!

For those close to me you know Eric was is my step-brother & he had cystic fibrosis. Eric inspired in so many ways. We as a family have done everything to keep his memory alive for Morgan & Spencer. Morgan was only 4 & Spencer 3 when he left us & I was very scared they wouldn't remember him. I am very thankful that they haven't. They still talk about him a lot and we have pictures throughout the house of him.

Morgan & Eric-May 2001

Eric & Spencer-November 2002

I tried to stay busy today so it wouldn't be so hard. We spend the day studying for our test Tuesday.

After study group I decided to get away from the "drama town" for the night. I spent some quality "girl time" with Jen & her kids. We were planning to swim, have pizza & just relax, but the pool was cold so we decided to watch the kids swim & chat.

Jason Aldean & Eric Church @ Rupp Arena

The kids Valentine's Day present from me was tickets to see Jason Aldean & Eric Church. They were SUPER excited because all I heard is they wanted to go see the guy that sings "Big Green Tractor".

This is a picture of the kids & me before the concert.

Here is a picture of Jen & me. I am SO glad she went with me! We had a BLAST!

Our seats weren't that great, but we could still see & hear. We literally had to walk up 50 flights of stairs. Once we got up there Morgan started crying and said he couldn't sit up there because she was scared of heights, but after the lights went off she was fine. She danced & sung through the whole concert.

Spencer on the other hand as soon as the lights went off & the music started he was ready to leave. He didn't enjoy the concert like I thought he would, but we will know better next time.

Eric Church :)

Jason Aldean :)

Graduation is just around the corner....countdown has began!

HAPPY MARCH EVERYONE! This means graduation is getting closer by the day. I am trying to enjoy & take in every day because they are all bittersweet.

It has been a LONG, HARD faught battle, but it is just around the corner now! I am getting SO excited. I ordered my cap & gown today for graduation. This will be where I am in a couple of months

I had debated on whether I wanted to walk the line or not. The nursing program has it's own pinning ceremony the same day as WKU's graduation that is smaller & more personal for our program. I have decided now that I am going to walk the line at Western's graduation. I will be a 1st generation graduate in the family & I want the kids to see me walk the line. I can't believe it is getting this close.

Is it May yet?

looking forward to the day that my kids realize I am going to school to better "our" future. It makes it so hard when they don't understand :( I'm not wishing my life away, but we are all ready for May!

This was my facebook post for the day. There are days when the kids have a hard time understand that I have to study. They also don't understand that I am going back to school for our future. These days are hard on me as a single mom. I know one day they will understand, but it breaks my heart that they don't understand.

Tomorrow is our last class before Spring Break. This semester seems like it is flying by! Just a couple more months!

Girl Scout Cookies are in full swing

Girl Scout COOKIES are in full swing. We sit up a trunk sale at the local grocery store parking lot. Morgan enjoys selling cookies...just hope she doesn't get burnt out before all the cookies are gone. Last year we dat up about everyday but this year we are only sitting up on the weekends. Here are some pictures from the trunk sale.

The Band Perry Concert

Tonight Morgan & I headed to Diddle Arena for the Band Perry concert. We went to Shoguns to eat before the concert. I didn't get any pictures at Shogun, but here are a few from the concert. Overall it was a fun night...we just wish Spencer would have went with us.

Day 3 of clinicals...only 1 more to go before graduation :(

Today was my 3rd day of clinicals for the semester. We only have 4 clinicals this semester because we will start practicum after Spring Break. Today I got to go to the ER for the 1st time. The girls that had went the last 2 weeks said it was boring & a long day for them...so I was a little worried. When I got down there it was a little slow going & I thought...this is going to be a long day. But, by 10:00 it was really busy & stayed that way the rest of the day. I got to see a lot of different things. This is not somewhere I would want to be everyday, but I did enjoy the fast pace & all the different cases that came in.

I have had a lot of people ask me where I plan to work when I graduate....well I am really not sure. When I started the nursing program my goal was to someday work weekends at the NICU in a bigger city. I wanted to start out in Labor & Delivery and when my kids got a little older try to branch out to bigger things. Well, the only problem with that is most hospitals in the area consider OB a speciality field & you can't work on a speciality unit until you have so many years experience after you graduate. So I am still up in the air about where I want to work & what field I would like to go into. I am not a huge fan of medical surgery, but everyone tells me this is where I will get the most experience right after graduation. I know for sure I do not want to work surgery! I guess everything else is still up in the air...but I have 3 more months of school!

Well today was our 1st test of the semseter. I felt really good about the material because we had spent hours & hours studying. I know I had put in over 40 hours the last week. So I was pretty confident with the information....which is usually a bad thing when it comes to nursing test.

So this is my FB post after the test..."Thank you nursing school for making me feel like a complete idiot!" So, but that post I guess you know I didn't pass my test. I failed it by 1 point/question...and what makes all that worse is I knew the answer to 1 of the questions I missed but the way they had it worded messed me up....tricky, tricky, tricky...gets me every time.

So after the test we had to sit through 7 hours of lecture....seriously, I just failed a test & I have to concentrate and listen to you teach me something new for 7 hours????? Anyways, class was horrible & this is my FB post when I got home this afternoon...."Ever had a class that makes you just wanna come home and beat your head into a wall until you have brain damage? Well I think that pretty much sums up my day ;)"

Kids are staying with Nanny & Pa tonight because I have clinicals tomorrow. I finally got all my homework done, so I think I will try to get some rest.

I am doing better with this blogging thing....let's see how long it last :)

Happy Valentine's Day

This morning I "revealed" the kids special Valentine's present. Morgan was over excited & Spencer was just ready to go back to bed.

I spent the morning studying for our 1st test tomorrow. I took a break to go to the kids Valentine's Parties at school.

Weekend of studying....

The kids went and spent the weekend with "Meme" while I spent the weekend studying. We have our 1st test of the semester on Tuesday. We studying for 4 hours Friday, 5 hours Saturday & 4 hours today. Hope all the studying pays off Tuesday.

Today Morgan & I played "Just Dance" on the Wii. Needless to say it wasn't a "pretty" site, but Spencer did snap a few pictures.

I can't wait until in the morning to give the kids their "suprise" Valentine's present. Check back tomorrow for the reveal. Hope everyone had a great weekend & enjoyed this beautiful weather we have had.

Another snow day for the kids...but a study day for me.

This snow is the biggest we have had so far this season. This morning before the kids left hey wanted to take the dog out to play in the snow. Peanut loved it even though his legs were froze when we came back inside. Here are a few pictures

After they left to go to Nanny & Pa's (where they could sled all day) I had to start studying. I will be so glad when school is over and don't have to study all the time. I spent 5 hours going over 1 section for the test. I relistened to the lecture & read the chapters in the book. I am almost done with that section. All I have left to do is rewrite my notes. Then I have 3 more sections to do. Maybe I will get it all accomplished before the test on Tuesday. We have a full weekend of study group so I would like to have most of it finished before Saturday. Right now I am waiting on the kiddo's to get home & I will start back on the studying tonight after they go to bed. Hope everyone has a great "snow day". I am looking forward to the 50 degree weather they are talking about the next 4 days :) Sunshine makes me happy!!!

"You know you love someone when you want them to be happy even if their happiness means that you're not part of it"

I won't go into further detail about the meaning or emotion behind this quote at the present time....but maybe someday I will explain!

Another "SNOWY" day

Today I had clinicals for school. I was a little nervous about hitting the road because they were giving a snow to move in at dinner, but I headed to clinicals anyway. At lunch I went out to grab a bite to eat & on the way back the roads were starting to get white. I do NOT like driving in the snow, so I was starting to get nervous. Luckily our teacher let us leave early. When I left the hospital the roads were starting to get covered. I live 15 miles from the local hospital but was able to take the parkway home. When I reached the county line the roads were solid white. As I made my way into town all the roads were snow covered. I was really getting nervous by this point. I live up a big hill, so I decided instead of trying to make it up the hill I would go in the back way. By the time I pulled into my driveway I was a nervous wreck, but GLAD to be home. If the instructor would have waited any longer to let us go I may not have been able to get home. I am so ready for this snow to go away & ready for some warmer weather. The kids will be going to school all summer long. They have already taken 3 days of their spring break. We have 5-6 inches at my house right now & they have already canceled the kids school for tomorrow. This has been an interesting winter to say the least.

Wishing I would have done better....

Ok so this whole blog thing didn't go the way I had hoped for. I get on her almost every day and read other blogs...but for some reason I don't ever post. I'm not why?...can I not put into words what I have on my mind or do I just not want to? I'm not really sure, but now I wish i would have done better....

I am in my last semester on nursing school and will graduate college in 3 months (God willing)...and I think back to when the journey began almost 5 years ago. I wish I would have wrote more about my daily struggles & the things I have overcome in the last 5 years. I have grown & changed a lot...even in the last couple of weeks...so with that being said...my goal is to blog at least every other day about something....so next time I sit here and look back I will have it in writing what was going on in my life...so here it goes.....

Today was another snow day for the kids so that just made my morning more hectic because I still had to go to class. When I went outside I thought how in the world am I going to get to class when my driveway is a solid sheet of ice??? What a way to start the day. Today was going to be a good day though...I have been looking forward to today @ 8:00a.m. all week because Sugarland tickets for the Indy State Fair would go on sale for Sugarpass members (and I am one) So I get the kids off to Nanny & Pa's and I head to school. The roads in my town weren't bad and all & the parkway to school was clear. As I was making my way down my usual route to school the roads were covered. I really figured the roads there would be better than at home because it is a bigger town...anyways they were not. I am not a fan of driving on slick roads, but I did very well today. I went slow & made it safely. When I turned into the parking lot at school it was a solid sheet of ice & I was freeking out. I actually posted this on twitter "Seriously WKU...no delay? The parking lot is a solid sheet of ice! Nice call!" So as I sit in the parking lot I am anxiously waiting for 8 am to arrive so I can order my tickets before heading off to class.

After refreshing for computer for 7 minutes straight...the link was finally available to buy tickets to the Indy show....so I click the button to buy...it then takes me to a screen that has 3 different choices for presale tickets. So I was trying to figure out which tickets I wanted...I just wanted closer then we were last year (21 rows from the stage). There is a GA ticket, a floor seat ticket or a lower bowl ticket. I decide floor seats is what we want so I click on it & it pops up "Row 12 center stage". My heart started beating REALLY fast as I started to get excited...I added the 4 tickets to my cart & hit checkout, but when I did it said the seats were no longer available...WHAT??? Are you kidding me???? I just lost my seats 12 rows from the stage :( So I go back through the whole process again & this time I get seats in "Row 19 center stage"...OK I can live with that...It still trumps our seats from last year. So I add the seats to the cart & checkout, but I didn't get to excited until it said "Order confirmation". So we will be going to see Sugarland again in August. This will be my 3rd time, but also a 2nd annual "Girls Night". I am so excited and have something to look forward to after graduation. So now that I have the tickets taken care of I better head to class.

So class starts and the teachers tells us we will finish up the powerpoint from last week & then we are free to leave. WHAT??? We don't get out of class until 3:45 & are suppose to have another lecture this afternoon that we will be tested over next week! Well, the teacher that was supposed to teach the lecture couldn't make it in today so she has taped it and put it on Blackboard. Ok thats fine but why couldn't someone sent us an email this morning telling us that. I drove 30 miles for 2 hours of lecture that I could have listened to on the computer?!?!?! Oh well, its probably better that I was in class anyway because I have a hard time motivating myself to listen to the lectures at home. Anyway I am off my high horse now. I got to come home and take a nap, so now it is time to listen to lecture.

I will leave you with a few pictures from the last couple of months since I haven't been doing a good job blogging. I hope I can keep my goal of at least every other day so I can look back on the "little things"




A few other things before I go. I have ordered the kids a "special surprise" for Valentine's Day, so stay tuned for the reveal & pictures. Also I went out on a limb last week & got all my hair cut off...it hasn't been this short in 5-6 years but I am "loving" it. Here is a picture I snapped with my phone right after I had it done.

Well thats it for now, but I will be back soon!

WKU Dance Clinic

This is the 2nd year our Girl Scout Troop has done the dance clinic. This year no one was interested in doing it except Missy's kids & Morgan, so we decided to take them. They love doing this every year. Here are a few pictures.

Girl Scout Sleepover 1-8-11

Our county had a sleep-over for all 6 Girl Scout troops. The girls & leaders had a great time. Here are a few picture from the sleepover.

First they had pizza for supper.

Then all the girl's made a t-shirt & everyone signed it.

Some of the leaders

Morgan & me